We're Still Focused on Men's Mental Health/Trauma History and Its Impact on Their Intimate Relationships
- Binta Alleyene-Green
- May 15
- 1 min read
“He doesn’t need to be fully healed—but he does need to be actively healing.”
A man’s unprocessed pain is not your burden to carry.
His relationship readiness isn’t about how much trauma he’s endured—
It’s about whether he’s willing to face it.
Yes, many men have been hurt.
Yes, society taught them to shut down, stay silent, and “man up.”
But unhealed wounds don’t disappear in love—they leak.
They leak through emotional shutdowns,
defensiveness, blame, silence, avoidance, or control.
So here’s the truth no one tells you loud enough:
👉🏾 Love won’t fix what someone refuses to face.
👉🏾 Chemistry is not compatibility.
👉🏾 Empathy isn’t a relationship plan.
A man doesn’t have to be perfect.
But if he wants love—real love—he has to be in the work.
Not just saying the right things.
Not just trauma-dumping without accountability.
But actually learning how to hold space, self-regulate, and show up.
Healing is not about being flawless.
It’s about being willing.
If he’s in denial, he’s not ready.
If he’s always the victim, he’s not ready.
If he doesn’t believe emotional growth is his job—
he’s not ready.
You deserve partnership.
Not a project.
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